Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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