I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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