im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
