She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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