I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
