mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
