We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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