OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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