whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
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I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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