The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
