just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
