fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm at about main and main street
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
