That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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