MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
