Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
