no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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