i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
