Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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