i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
