My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
40s are totally the cure
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
