Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You did what with his pubic hair?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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