hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
