I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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