singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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