Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
