I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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