I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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