so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
