My first STD was from a foam party
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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