i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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