oh god the rape fog is back!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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