well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
