Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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