if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just gargled with NyQuil
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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