I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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