SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
