dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
