I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize