This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
