I think I just saw someone hide a body.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
