God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
