So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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