I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
