I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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