Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
