whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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