got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
