I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
