I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
