I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
