And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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