I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
