38 yer olds are good kisserssss
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
