she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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