If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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