It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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