I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
