he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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