If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
