please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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