i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
