Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
