its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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