its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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