you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
