You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
