it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
