my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
