when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just threw up on my dentist
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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