I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
