Everything about him screamed your future.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
