Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
