I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
