I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
