Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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