god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
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she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
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Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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