went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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