Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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