Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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