Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
