I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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