Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
