Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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